Sigh...

This is an emotional roller coaster. I haven't been in the gym in 2 weeks, I am eating ok, but I have not lost any weight. I am depressed. I don't know why, but I feel a bit down lately. So I need to pick myself up and get going again. A friend of mine lost 177lb. she is such an inspiration. Another friend always posts really motivational stuff on her FB and I love reading them. But somehow, I am in the downy dumps.
Well what am I going to do?
The last weekend of Faire approaches and that is good, it will lift a huge stress factor off my shoulders. I don't have to worry about politics, stepping on nobody's toes, dont' have to worry about my daughter's grades, or if she did her homework. I can breathe, well somewhat as I am doing a convention right after with my small business SewGeekAustin . But that is my stuff, I don't have to make stuff for others or depend on them, it's just me. So I can breathe again.
Also I got swamped with orders and feel like I need to take care of my customers, but that is not true, they can wait one more day, I need to be healthy for me, cause if I am not, then they won't get their stuff at all.
Oh wow, that just made a bunch of sense.
So I am going to blog more again and I will have more recipe's in my food blog as well.
I bet you are looking forward to my rambelings... see you soon.

Claudia

Running after the Wagon...

So the last week has been pretty terrible. Not just eating wise but emotional as well. So I kind of fell of the Wagon and the scales showed it.
So this morning I woke up and decided it's time to get back on the Wagon, well chase after it and then get back on.
I made Banana Pancakes, gluten free and they are delicious. You can find my recipe in my other Blog: Cooking for Jared Padalecki and decide for yourself. They didn't look like much, but they filled me up and were tasty.
I need to remember drinking more water and tea again, since my mom has been here, I have been drinking to much coffee. So that's my goal for this week, log food and drink water. I am also going to a convention this weekend, but the good thing is, I can make Salads in a Jar and I am staying at my house, so I don't have to worry to much about bad foods.
Then we have only one more weekend at the Faire and one more Con right after that and then I have 2 months with nothing going on on the weekends. So I can get my gym schedule back on track.
This week there is no Gym at all, I have to make merchandise and fill orders for the convention and I hope to maybe get a walk in the next two days.
We shall see.
Anyways, I am back on the Wagon.

Burn out... (anoter a-ha moment)

No not from dieting or exercise... that's not it.

It's just these last 2.5 months have been taxing. I have not spend one weekend at home since December 29th. I spend it at the faire. It was fun and all, but I realized today I need a break.
I got home last weekend and I was just mentally drained. All week felt like a burden and the constant catching up is really tearing at me. So I decided to take this weekend off from everything I need a break to get my creative juices flowing again.
Well and I want to spend it with my mom who just flew in and is going to spend 8 weeks with us (yay no laundry)
I just had to get this off my chest. I just feel that I let people down but you know what I am not that person anymore, I don't have to be there every waking minute, cause if I am not I will be sternly talked to and told that I don't care. I am my own person, I need to take care of myself. Cause this past week I didn't go to the gym, I ate ok, but not as clean as I could./should have so there was no change on the scale which sucks. But it is what it is, this new piece of information is of great value to me for the future. I am saying NO, I can say NO and I will say NO.
Mental healthy is as much a part of this journey as the physical one. So here is to good mental health, Take care of youself.

Finding Motivation ...

• Today was one of those days.... where I had to dig deep to find motivation to do anything. I have been battlling depression for 4 years (well that's when I was diagnosed) I was on medication and seeing a therapist. And once I got rid of the toxic friend I got a lot better. There are still days, where I don't want to get out of bed. Today was one of those days. I started to read a story last night stayed up till past 1am to finish it and then was really tired in the morning. It was way past noon, when I finally decided to get my fat ass up and do something. So I worked and at 4 pm I had dug deep enough and felt guilty enough to go on a walk. I walked 2 miles with my dog and I am ok with that. :D The headache that I had is gone and I am feeling better. I also had a really healthy dinner, I made stir fry. I used Coconut Oil and I did not eat any rice. So I am good. I think maybe for dessert I have some fruit as I still have some calories left in my day.
• Yeah sometimes... you just have to dig deep to get the courage to workout and know it's for the best. YOU are responsible for your success, NOBODY else... Sometimes that is really hard and sometimes it's easier. It's never easy. Tonight is Supernatural on and I am going to bed after. So that tomorrow I feel good about hitting the gym for Combat at 9:30am. I want this so bad that I can taste it.
• I also went into my closet today and got my favorite pair of heels out. I want to wear them for my Photo OP with Jared. They are so cute and I want to get a dress to go with them preferrable in a size 12, if it's a 14 I am ok with that too. :D