Change is hard and it's coming...

So shit hit the Fan in April. My former "best" friend and I had a huge blow out and I cam to realization that I had been taken advantage of for 4yrs. I given that said friend, my time, love and care.
What did I get for it? Well let see... I got depresses, I gained all the weight I had lost back, I almost lost my marriage over it. And I lost a dear friend that I've known since Anika was 4months old. So yeah, but I was the problem, all I ever did was try to please and make things right. Even when things were not my fault, but you know what I've learned that won't happen ever again. Apparently I was a dark chapter in her life.
Anyway, this here is my therapy. After the blow up, I got off my meds, I was able to stop Therapy and I am so much happier person. People that I've known before this happened, commented on it.
So out of curiosity know her way to well, I knew that she was bad mouthing me, cause she's done it about everybody else that said no to her and stopped being her friend. So I followed her on twitter.
The straw that broke the camel's back was this past week, I found a new fandom, and I gater to them on my etsy store and now I found out that she is trying to get her foot in. I was beyond pissed and posted on facebook, well someone must have told her cause I am sure she has mutual friends spying for her. Just like she accused me of copying her teablends, Yeah I made ONE tea, that is similar to one of her, but that's because I like that tea and don't want to buy it from her. Cause you know what I want to get away from all of this. *sigh So anyways, now she is protecting her twitter, so that no one can cyberstalk her. LOL you have to be paranoid.
So finally I can get on with my life without the temptation to see what she has to say, and who she is bitching about.
Also we are moving this coming week and my new life starts for sure. I am so excited to move into the new house, and the new studio, where I can be creative. I can't wait to cook healthy again in the new kitchen, I can't wait to decorate the new house, we have brand new furniture coming and I don't have a bitchy friend trying to push stuff on me. Or expect me to sew on end just so that we can split the profit 50/50 but I do most of the work, and causing me so much stress that I can't sleep at night.

It is very interesting, to me as well that things seemed to have been falling into place since April. The company my husband has been working for was almost at the point of going under. Well they got bought out and the new company hired him. They gave us an offer that we could not refuse to move. He also got a nice severance and we were able to pay off much of our debt. 

I opened my own etsy store and it goes well. I am very happy with it. And I am so much happier. 

It just seems that I got rid of some bad mojo and good stuff is happening. I am so blessed.

Foodporn the healthy way

So, this weight loss thing is going slow very slow. But I am working on it. Log the food, but I also love to try new recipes. So I decided the successful ones are going to be on my blog. Maybe that will help me to keep going.

It's fall and I love pumpkin, so I wanted to make pumpkin pancakes I found a recipe on food.com but I changed it slightly.

Pumpkin Pancakes:
2 1/3 cups of Bisquick
1 1/4 cups of 2% Milk
1/3 cup of pumpkin from the can
2 eggs
2 tblsp. Sugar
1 tsp. chinese 5 spice
1/2 tsp. cinnamon

Mix it all together. I got 15 pancakes out of it. And here is the nutrition Info:
99cals., 3gr/fat, 1g/sat.fat, 30gr./cholest., 202gr./sodium, 15gr/carbs, 3g/sugar, 3gr./protein

They were pretty dang good. I used sugar free syrup on them and had 3 of them.

Fail... (explicit language cause I am angry)

I failed on every single one of my goals this week. Why? I don't know. *sigh

I could blame it on the fact that Steve is gone for the week, but I don't think so. I think it had more to do with a flare up of mild depression. I was doing good Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I found out that a former friend of mine decided to harp on me again. Which is nothing new, she does that with everybody that leaves her and of course it's all their fault and never hers. ( I am starting to wonder, cause by now I know at least 6 people in her live that happened to) Oh well I should not linger here. I realize that is a dark time especaily the last two years of our so called "Friendship", I alienated myself from other friends even from my family. Finally when my sister came to visit, she woke me up out of this indifferent coma I was in. My house was a catastrophe when she got here and we had a huge fight, but in the end we found each other again and I am so greatful for her. I had not been taking care of myself, I let myself gain the weight back cause I was to depressed to cook healthy or anything the like. So this here is part of my therapy. If I go off on a tangent, now you know why. I figured if I start to write down what is going on in my noggin, maybe I can get over whatever it is and take care of myself again.
But anyway, on Wednesday I sat at the computer crying, cause I was accused of copying Teablends on Adagio. Seriously? She had introduced me to Tea, yes I give her that. I really wanted to break all ties, so I am not going to order Tea from her blends. So I decided I want to try to create my own teas and yes one of them is close to one of hers. But fuck you bitch, you don't have a monopoly on Tea. Anyways that put me in a very emotional state.
Later I found this beautiful Video of Jensen Ackles one of my Favorite Actors at the moment, (he is fighting Hugh Jackman for number 1) singing this beautiful song and I am bawling again. (Video here).
I also miss my husband, he is in Houston for work and will be home tonight, but then I am leaving tomorrow for the Convention in Dallas. Then he is home for a week and then gone again for a week to San Francisco.
That will be the last time we have to do this for a while I hope.
And then comes the dreadded day of October 8th. When we close on the new house. Which I love the new house, but I really don't want to move. You must understand. I lived in Zurich for 22yrs then moved to Austin and that has been it for me. I love Austin, and I just got happy again I met so many great people this summer and got to know people better and now I have to leave. This just fucking sucks.
But it is a great Carreer move for hubby, I can do my etsy thing anywhere, and we are only 2hrs away from Austin. So yeah, it won't be to bad, but I can be a bit annoyed, pushing my bottom lip out.
Wow this post turned in to a huge rant about my life, how it sucks. LOL Well it doesn't I am very blessed, having my family, friends, we are in good hands. I am just frustrated how a small thing sent me into this hole, so maybe writing about it helped.

Meal Plan Monday:

So this is the 3rd week of sticking to the meal plan. My husband is out of town for the whole week, so it's me and the kids. We are having friends come over on Tuesday and he loves German Food, so I am making something special for him.
Goals for this week are:
Sticking to the mealplan, track each bite of food on Loose it .com. I have their app on my phone and it is awesome cause you can scan the barcode and it enters it. I am amazed at how many HEB products are in the database.  And last but not least I need to drink more, water and tea. I made an awesome tea blend on Adagio, it's called Dean's Apple Pie Life and it's a Rooiboos blend. It is very yummy iced, so I made me a big jug full of that for today.
Exercise:
Not much going on there, cause I've been waking up almost every night with pain in my foot. I really want to have that healed. Hopefully by the time we get to Houston, I can start walking again.

So here is the Meal Plan:
Monday:
Tortelini with Spinach, Garlic, Tomato Sauce

Tuesday:
Spaetzli, Red Cabbage and Schnitzel

Wednesday
Sweet Potato Soup with Quinoa (new recipe)

Thursday:
Angel Hair Pasta with Asparagus and Shrimp (new recipe)

Friday:
Sun Dried tomato stuffed Chicken breast with rice.

Weekend: I am going to Dallas to see the Supernatural Boys. :)

Friday Weigh in, a day late

I am down to 265, that is a nother lb. gone. I didn't get around to posting yesterday. I am pretty pleased as of right now, cause I haven't exercised, but I watched what I was eating, so I think I did ok.

Baby Steps...

So the Doctor said I don't need the book and just wear whatever I want, I just need to be comfortable. Well guess what I am sitting here barefoot. Yup that is when it doesn't hurt. I woke up a few times last night in pain but not to shabby.
I even went to walk Zoe our dog yesterday morning, and will do so again tonight.

I just made lunch for me and I am surprised I couldn't eat it all, so Steve is eating the leftovers. I actually physically felt full, which rarely happens, I always I need to finish my plate. But no, I am a grown up now and I can leave food if I need to. lol

I am feeling good, my mood is pretty good, and I am at the point where I realize every day, how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband, kids, friends and that SewGeekAustin is doing so well. I even forgave HER, cause I see every so often on Twitter what is going on with her and I do hear from friends. And I feel nothing but petty for her.

It is oh so very strange, how ever since this happened, good things are coming our way. Steve and I are stronger than ever, we still have minor disagreements, but we haven't had a big fight in a while. The house is actually livable again and laundry is getting done, even thou it takes more than one day. We are also moving, building a house, are very blessed with the great job that Steve got. So all around we are doing well. I don't know if it has anything to do with the big bang, but it sure does feel that way.

So anyways, mental healthy is just as important for this journey than physical health.

Friday is weigh in. See you then.

Why this weight gain this time is bad...

Well there are some things that I do when I am at this size and now they annoy me, I've been heavy all my life, then I lost 80# and I was in the best shape of my life, sadly I let myself go, I fell into a deep drepression and this blog is part of my therapy, the way I look at it.
This time arround the weight gain is affecting my health badly. I am on Crestor cause my cholesterol is bad. I my heart races all the time and it affects my mood. There are also other things that annoy me now more than before.
I have to jiggle into my pants. Yes, everything jiggles like Jello, not happy about that. And I know some people say I shouldn't worry about it. Yes I do, I know there is ladies out there that are big and beautiful and they are healthy. I am not healthy in any way shape or form. I wanna be healthy again. This doesn't mean that I am going on a super crash diet to look like those skinny bitches in Hollywood. No, I want to loose weight so I feel comfortable again, so I don't have to take medicine anymore, so I don't get out of breath walking my dog around the block. Those are things, that I am striving for. That is my main goal. And I am turning 40next year, so guess what I want to look hot on my 40th birthday.
So if you think I don't need to loose the weight that is your opinion, but I am not doing this for you. I am doing this for me. So FU.

Now this is this weeks Dinner Meal Plan:
Monday:
Roasted Cabbage with Rice and Steaks

Tuesday:
Quinoa Medley with Chicken Breast

Wednesday:
Spaghetti Squash with Tomato Sauce

Thursday:
Fajitas

Friday:
Homemade Pizza Margarita, with Tomoatos and fresh Mozarella and home made Pizza dough.

Saturday and Sunday depends if we are going to Baton Rouge or not.

a little setback, but we have a plan...

So I exercised on Tuesday and did Jumping Jacks, well I made a few mistakes, first one was... I was not wearing shoes, second one was... I haven't workout in ages... so the end result of this is, that I now have a fracture in my metatarsal in my left foot. Yup it's hilarious, so apparently right now exercise is bad for me. LOL

But I went to the grocery store, got really yummy healthy foods, they did not have sprouts, which made me sad, but anyways, since I can't workout for a while, I am going to eat really healthy.

Now for the plan...
I hate Cardio, I don't like to do Cardio, but it has to be done, cause it burns the calories. So I am also a big Supernatural fan. I started to watch the show on Netflix in January and got hooked, line and sinker.
There are 148 Episodes out right now ( Season 8 Starts October 3rd) so I figured I just watch one episode while I do Cardio, Yes I will even suffer thru the ones, I don't like.

So now I have plan for Cardio, the next is a plan for muscle toning.

One step at a time.

Weighing in...

We are almost done with the first week, but weigh in was this morning and lo and behold, I am down 2lb. #266, that made me happy. I cheated on Wednesday and had ordered pepperoni rolls from Double Dave's, so and of course I didn't eat 2, I had 4. I know it sucks, but hey I decided to be brutally honest here on this blog, cause otherwise I won't get anywhere.

Later today, I will sit down and make my meal plan for the coming week, probably again with new recipes. The water drinking is doing much better, and I think my kidneys are getting slowly adjusted from being on a dry spell ( I could go almost the whole day with not drinking anything) to being flooded. lol so yes, I am running to the ladies room a lot.

What also is keeping me sane, is work. Working on creating new products for my shop SewGeekAustin, making jewelry and coming up with other new items. Necklaces will be added soon. But this work, is keeping me from brooding to much about how I was wronged and being angry. I was the one that let this happen, I am to blame no one else. So being creative, helps me a lot. And it is nice to have some change to spend on new crafty stuff. lol

Next will be adding more exercise to this program, it is so silly especially since I was a trainer once in a galaxy far far away and loved to workout, now I have a really hard time. But hey, work in progress, right?

So we will see where this next week will take us, one step at a time.

falling down and back up in the saddle

So things have been crazy and I have been stressed, we didn't have a moving date, not did we know where the kids start would start school needles to say. I am a stress eater, so that's what I did.

Then this past Saturday, I got on the scale and almost had a heart attack. 268lb. Yes you read that right. I have gained over 80lb. since December 2008. WTF? you might ask? Well there were lots of things, but the main thing was that I lost myself. I thought I was helping someone else doing good and in the mean time I totally left myself standing in the rain and I almost dragged my family with me, without an umbrella.
But after the flood comes the sun, right? So I found a beach that rescued me, and that was my sister Martina.  She pulled ashore and now it's been 3 months.We are moving, Steve go a new job, that is amazing, (which he deserves), we are building a house, and finally go a moving date,  I got released from therapy, I don't need meds anymore and I am now finally to the point where I am ready to take care of my temple again. My spirit is much better, so it's time to take care of the house.

I made a meal plan from all new recipes, which is a great idea, cause I love to cook and try out new recipes. So what a perfect combination. I am an avid Pinterester, so I picked all recipes that I had pinned to one of my boards. If you want to follow me, this is me. I found some really good ones.
Steve is gone for the week at the new office, so the kids and I are doing this. So far so good.

Also a big goal is, I am getting up at 6am, get Lars ready and then do some housework, take the dog for a walk and not go back to bed, like I used to. I am also going to bed no later than 10pm. (cross your fingers)

During the day I work on my etsy orders and new product. Go visit SewGeekAustin there are lots of fun and geeky things to befound.

Oh and one more thing, I think my kidneys are totally spazing out, cause I stopped drinking water during the day. Yeah I know, don't ask, it's stupid, if I got like 2 glasses that was a lot. Now I bought me one of those jugs that have 2.2 liters and put some lemon in it and I have to drink it all by the time I got to bed. No I don't jug if I didn't get there, I just feel like an epic fail. NOT. It's a goal.

So there, the next weigh in, will be on Friday, so I hope I will have good news by then.
TTFN

4 Days in

And I must say counting point is so much easier than I thought. I've been doing really good. Today I went over my daily point allowance cause I had a beer. I do still have a ton of weekly points left so I wasn't to worried.
I went to Chipotle today and usually I get the Burrito, but not today. I got the Burrito Bowl, with brown rice, black beans, chicken, pico and guacamole. 15pts total, I think I did good. Dinner was not good, I had two slices of Pizza and a beer, hence the extra points.
The good thing is the first time I had lost so much weight, it was the tracking that helped me the most. I worked out a lot, but the tracking was what kept me in line. Cause when I started gaining weight again, I was still working out, but I did not keep track of what I put in my mouth. Also I am drinking a lot more water. So I think I am on the right track.

WW here I come...

I joined Weight Watchers online on Friday. So far so good. I am counting the points and log my food, it's pretty easy.

I am also making sure I drink a lot of water, that is important. So now I only need to get back to working out and we are golden. *sigh

wow, what a month

So in the past month, Steve got a new job, and we spent this past weekend in Houston to try to find a house, there was not much choice on the already built house department. I got really frustrated, but then on Friday we went to look at new constructions. I really liked the model home, and Steve liked a two story, but we didn't even look at the one that in the end is probably close to our Dream Home.
It's a one story, but it has some of the features that Steve liked in the two story. Since it only has the framing up so far, we get to go to the design center and choose, flooring, paints, light fixtures etc. Which we are so excited about. This whole moving thing got me a bit stressed out. So sadly I've been Stress eating, and not working out, so that has to change. I am reading the flat belly diet and see if I like it. (it lets you have chocolate) hopefully I can get back into the groove. I know these past 4yrs I was weak and didn't have the strength to stand up for myself. My sister had to come and get me out of the Dark place I was in. But now that I am better and in a great place mentally,  this seems to be a wonderful opportunity to start afresh. So that is what I am going to do. My etsy store is going great, I am reading the 5 languages of love with my wonderful husband, my kids a doing great. So it is time again to take care of myself. I was so happy when I was a size 12 and now I am back into an 18. I hate it. I feel FAT!!!! I don't wanna be FAT!!!!
So this blog will be my bitch post, since I can't bitch anywhere else. lol

So reader's beware.

It's Monday, and I did pretty good on the food today. I am logging again. I am also quitting my gym membership and start working out to P90X2. Steve also informed me they have a gym at his work that I can join. They also have personal trainers, which is awesome. I also intent to get certified again.
Tomorrow I have no plans, so in the morning I am going for a long walk with the dog, before it gets to hot.

news and stress

Wow, what a week we had. The company my hubby has been working for got bought out by Haliburton. They also offered him a job and now it looks like we are moving to Houston within the next two month. School starts August 27th and I want the kids to start school there. So needless to say, I haven't been at the gym since Wednesday. I've been trying to keep the eating healthy. But I really need to get better on using loseit app on my phone. It makes tracking you food so much easier.
I am just so sick of having a closet full of clothes and nothing fits. So this is getting down to serious business.
Tomorrow, I am going to the gym in the am. I have plans on a pedi with friends.

Really?

Well today was not a good day. I didn't workout, and my food was so lala, but I am sure tomorrow will be better.

There has been a lot going on in my world, which I probably will be able to write about tomorrow. But anyways, I also didn't drink nearly enough water today.
So that's that for today. Tomorrow will be better.

This is it...

So I spent this past weekend in San Antonio, for Texas Comic Con. I dress up as Bobby Singer from Supernatural. I must say I looked pretty good, and even got complimented by Jim Beaver himself. He was happy that I got the right hat and his favorite one, none the less.
But I saw how much fun the other guys from Outrageous Outfits had. And I felt a bit sad. So this is my Journey from dressing up as Bobby Singer to the awesome Fury Big Barda. She is a sexy strong women. I do have support from my wonderful husband, since he will portray Big Barda's husband, Mr. Miracle, so he is working out himself as well.

Also I noticed lately that my health has gotten worse. So hitting the Gym again and eating right, is the goal.
Please Join me on my Journey.

Thank you

Claudia