you know what...

So, I am done...

I don't go for a diet, or a fad or whatever it is that is in right now. I am done...

I know how I can loose weight, what I must do. I did it before, I was successful. I got to where I wanted to be. So now it's my turn to do it my way. I am fed up with being pulled in every which direction. So this is what is going to happen.

I will eat healthy and I will eat carbs, I will lower them but I won't give them up. Fuck that, I love my carbs and I wanna eat fruit. So I will stay away from complex carbs as much as possible but I won't give them up all together.
Now I will log my food, I've done it last time, I put every single bite I ate into Fitday, well now I am using loose it and it makes it easier. But I have to do it. My biggest down fall: water... I need to drink more water. My goal is to drinkg 64oz a day. Possibly more.
Also Gym I need to hit the gym 5 days a week. Cardio 5 days workout 3 days, lifting and Pilates. That is what I am doing. Screw this I am so tired of this fat body and my clothes not fitting.

I am done... listening to other people, I am doing this my way. If you don't like it go the hell away.

Frustration....

I am so frustrated with myself on this journey. I do good for 3-4 days and then it's miserable and I think my scale is broken cause how can I got form 266 to 271 in two days???

I am so done... I am about to go and make me breakfast. This afternoon after I drop off my friends kid I have pilates. I am going to the gym every day this week. I really need to. I am so angry right now. *sigh

Memorial Day weekend...

Another week has gone by and no weight loss, it is getting frustrating, but hold on. There are some really good things I did this week:

I went to the gym 3x this week. :D
I logged my food for the past 4 days and I posted on a group I created on facebook.
Drinking more water, not enough yet, but more...

So there are things that are changing. Sometimes it just takes a while. I am going to work thru this, I know. I have two weddings coming up and a picture Op with Jared Padalecki. So I wanna look better than I did last year. So these are my motivators. I decided a long time ago, I am never going to be skinny. I wanna be a size 12-14 cause that's when i was happy. I wanna have curves, i don't wanna be a stick figure.
This weekend we are not going away, which means I won't have to worry about what to eat. Tomorrow we are going to Comic Palooza, I am going to bring a shake with me and some fruit or veggies as a snack. That say the temptation is hopefully not there.
On Monday we are having friends over and I got the foods, so I know I can eat everything that I make. Which is the big issue I have when i go somewhere.
So yeah it took me four freaking years to get fat again, so it won't go away overnight. Writing here helps me and I hope that it will get better from here on out.

Much love and happy Memorial day.

Head is organized... now comes my life...

It's a bit longer than a year, that I got out and decided it's time to take control of my own life again. In my head I am in a really good place right now. I don't need therapy anymore, I don't need medication for my depression anymore and haven't had a bad migraine since then either. It's amazing what getting rid of one bad influence can do to you, right?
So then all the moving and getting readjusted happened and my store is taking off in a good way too. So lots was going on. But this morning I woke up and I looked around my bedroom and I saw things slowly creeping up that I don't wanna do anymore.
So what am I to do? I used to do Fly lady... and my house was in great shape, so I went to my Cozi Family Calendar and made the meal plan for the week. I also jotted down a quick morning routine.
This week is getting the Master Bedroom cleaned, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is.

Also I decided my SewGeekAustin workhours are from 9-3 and that's it. If I decide to work a bit later fine but I have other things I need to take care of first. My house and my family and foremost myself.
So that's what is happening.

I am now going off to do my morning Routine Quickly, make myself some breakfast and get some stuff in the bedroom done. Then I will get my serger our and will work today.
I hope this will help me get the rest of my life in check. And the last thing that needs to be added is regular exercise. Yup I wanna go back to the gym again 5 days a week and be healthy and cute again.

So that's it for now.

Magic Number

I am lost in the 260's, I was so close and then so far again. But this week I made the conscious effort to eat better and drink lots more water and tea.
I love tea and it is a great addition to water and better than any soft drink. If you wanna know some of my favorite Teas go here...  It helps me not getting bored of water.

Water is so dang important, but I can go a whole day without drinking anything but a cup of coffee in the morning, I know it's not good. So I am trying really hared to drink 64oz.
Did really well this weekend. I also am trying to stay away from grains, pretty much any grains, and I have been doing pretty good with that too. ( I had a cupcake, but hey it was 1 and not 4 like I would have done in the past 4yrs).

As for eating...
I am trying to track all my food but I tend to forget, so that's a goal for this coming week. I have an easy app on my phone called looseit and it is great, cause it has a code scanner. Even thou, I barely eat any packaged food anymore. Most of my food is fresh from Greenling.com which I really adore.

So that's my progress, the magic number at the moment is 259 it's a pretty number :D

so....

What has been going on? Well I struggle every day with my food choices, why is it so fucking hard this time?
I really don't know. But I do know that I have to get back to basics. I wanna loose 8lb in may. I got on the scale today and it said 266, fuck this. I can't do this anymore. So what did I do last time I was so successful?
I tracked every single think that went into my mouth. So that's what I do again.
For Breakfast I made myself a protein Juice. I put in 1pear, 1apple, 2 carrots and a handful of fresh spinach. 1scoop of vanilla protein powder and a tsp of L-Glutamine.
Lunch I am going to make me a nice big salad and for dinner we are going out, but I know what I am going to order, so no problem there. We are going to have shawarma.
This weekend will be tougher, we are gone for Birthday celebrations, but I am going to try and make it as healthy as I can.
As I struggle with my weight loss, I am also struggling with my daily routines in the house. I need to get back to basics on that too, it's not like the house is a horrendous mess, but laundry never gets put away (it is clean, just not put away) I could vacuum more often and just in general putting things away. So today I will finish the laundry and do a sweep thru the house.
I need to set up a schedule for myself and really set time aside for those things and then work. So if you got this far in my ramblings, thank you.